I was idyllic and in my early twenties when I began my journey into motherhood. Like many new moms I had strong expectations for myself and some harsh opinions to back up my zeal. I knew the kind of mother I wanted to be and I expected all to go according to my plan. Well, three children and twenty two years later and here I am… in full possession of the knowledge that none of of these last two decades as a mom has had a thing to do with ‘my plan’.
I will be the very first to admit that one of the perks of having been a therapist for the last 20 odd years has been learning the truth about motherhood. A psychotherapy office is a bit like a modern day confessional, and 90% of my cleintelle over the years have been women. I have heard mothers by the hundreds quietly confess their sins; ” I yelled too much, I never cooked, I hovered, I spoiled, I worked .” The list is long and unforgiving.
Motherhood is not something we are supposed to be perfect at- it is something we are supposed to work at, grow with, and learn from. Think about this fact; we are trying to raise a human being; a human being that arrives into this world hungry, naked, confused, and immediately searching for something more than we will ever be able to provide. We come from source…. and from our first breath, we are seeking to reunite again with that source. Our mothers are the first thing we collide with in this world…. and I am convinced this is where all the confusion begins.
The notion of the ‘perfect mom’, is a set up. We are not meant to be perfect- we are meant to love and care for our children in the best way we can. If we fail sometimes- thats ok as long as we learn from it and move on. If you love your children and work to grow from your mistakes- you are as close to perfect as one can be.